Back to the Basics..

Hello World. I'm on the train back to the city and I thought this was an appropriate time to blog a little. I'm assuming that with my lack of presence on this blog-- those who may frequent the blog are a bit curious as to how my life has evolved the last couple of months. So instead of attributing this update to my own vanity, I'll use that as an excuse.

The last couple of months have really shook my world up. I've learned so much about being a woman, as well as being my own person. I realized that over the past year or so I was fighting so hard to become this ideal person to society. I was doing things I didn't even enjoy, saying certain things that weren't even me. And as this semester progress, I realize something that was very certain and apparent: I was unhappy.

See I'm the type of girl who enjoys jazz, poetry lounges, and the simplicities of life. Yet, I had allowed my surrounding to turn me into a young woman who thought the materialistic and tangible was all the world's worth. I allowed myself to lose my friendly, free-spirited nature and become a serious, reality-sunken individual. I can't exactly explain when this transition occur, nor can I pinpoint who influenced it. But I can assure you that things are going to drastically change.

About two weeks ago I had the blessing to meet a young man from Philadelphia. He had a certain air about him which was simply a familar breathe of fresh air. I soon learned he was a new addition to the faculty of the university I attend. And after a IHOP visit with a select few other of my peers, I decided to adopt him as a mentor. He reminds me so much of the me I used to know. Smart, driven, laid-back, honest, sharp-witted.. He's not afraid to express exactly how he feels about situations he encounters. He's very selective about whom he trusts and he's very confident about who he is and what he is capable of. It was these reasons and others that I decided to accept him as a mentor. But, I guess another reason I really decided he just had to be my mentor was because his presence only opened my eyes to the lie I was allowing myself to live. His simply being him inspired to to revert and evolve back into the woman I once was.

For a sense of accountability, I've decided to make a list of a few things I'm determined to resolve to either do or change:
1. I refuse to NOT stand up for myself. I've spent a lot time allowing certain things to happen because in an effort of being mature, I've decided to let it "roll off my shoulders" all the while letting it eat away at my dignity and reputation. Yes, picking your battles is a trait of the mature, but I realized picking your battles doesn't mean letting the presence of your army be ignored. What I'm simply saying is that while I'm not going to exhaust myself ensuring things always go in my favor, I will allow my opinion on the matter be known in a clear and concise manner.
2. I will not allow anyone to get the best of me. I'm a mature young adult. I refuse to spend my adult life bickering with others as if I'm a child. I will set my emotional temperment aside and say exactly what's on my mind once and once only. What's the saying? If you argue with a fool, no one passing by will be able to distinguish exactly who the fool is. I'm sure that's not the saying verbatim, but you get the point being made.
3. I will find time for the pleasures in life. Whether it be taking a nap, going to the movies, reading a book, or listening to jazz while blogging. I will not let the stresses of the world consume my every day and hour. Life is about finding a balance and I've yet to do that. But I'm determined to find a happy medium.
4. No more dumbing myself down for the public. I'm a smart young lady. I have a very extensive and eloquent vocabulary (although it's not apparent within this particular blog post). I feel like everyday I dumb myself down to seem approachable, I lower my standards and trick my mind into honestly believing I'm a dummy. I think this point is pretty self-explanatory. But in case it isn't.. it's like this: why hide God's blessings?
5. Forgiveness is key. I must forgive in order to be forgiven. I'm not going to forget necessarily. But I must look at every mistake and wrong doing as a lesson learned and nothing more or less than that.

I'm happy to see the progress as I continue on with life. And know I'll definitely keep you guys updated. I'm back to the basics.. and more importantly I'm back to me. Yall sound off! Have you evolved into something you aren't necessarily thrilled about? And what's your plan of action back to finding yourself?

Poetic Thursdays: Childhood Crush

Childhood Crush
You're like "the perfect verse over a tight beat"
You complete me.. everything I think, you think
From our goals and aspirations to our hopes and dreams
Without speaking a word, it's like we're forever in-sync
Like my diary.. you keep my thoughts from evaporating
Got me always contemplating
Whether or not you're a figment of my fantasy
Or just my soul mate
Got me questioning every action I take
Like just one wrong move and.. I'll wake up
But even after each fall and every stumble
You're still there.. to help me up and provide a safe haven for the pieces I almost left behind
It's like no matter the situation you always have the time
To help me unwind
Even when you're not there...
Just the faintest memory of your scent
And the vague daydream of your touch
Puts me in the mindset of a crack head feigning..
Just can't ever get enough
You're like my Oz.. except you know how to get me home
Home, where my heart is
Where this poetry comes from
Where there's the occasional pain and misery
But just thinking about you makes it all melt away
When I was little I used to dream about a 'he' like you
The 'he' that would rescue me and always be true
The one that would call me back every time he promised to
The one who would make me feel as I should
Like the princess my fathers' raised
A 'he' that would be faithful to my eternal father and love my earthly one just the same
A 'he' that I would be proud to take 'his' name
None of that hyphenated action
Because our sensual, romantic, real love would become one identity
...
Funny thing is, it seems as though God created you especially for me
From your chocolate-covered head to your ebony feet
But unfortunately
It's inconclusive if I'm the one He made for you
So as I sit back as enjoy everything you unconsciously give me
And imagine how things would be if our nicknames of "Future Husband" and "Future Wifey" were true
Just remember that if you want my heart.. there's nothing you can do
... you already have it.



© 2008 Jendayi N. Douglas. All Rights Reserved.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Hair Liberation

"Don't remove the kinks from your hair, remove them from your brain," Marcus Garvey

About three years ago I was introduced to the world of black hair care by my dear and lovely cousin, Stefanie. But back then, my focus had nothing to do with growing healthy hair, my primary focus was on growing hair as long as I could possibly manage. I remember browsing the LHC (longhaircareforum.com) and seeing beautiful ebony colored women with beautiful long, healthy hair. And I determined in my mind to have that hair; to prove to the world that black women of every hue could grow beautiful long, healthy hair.
So my junior year in high school I tried stretching my relaxers. I started only getting a relaxer at the beginning of the school year and then again right before prom. I was okay with controlling and managing my nappy roots in the "in-between" time. But I really didn't see much growth and I definitely didn't see any changes in the "quality" of my hair. All I saw was breakage. *sad face* And this sad tale continue until I graduated from high school.
Right after graduation I decided to reappear in the virtual world of black hair care tips, after viewing a Youtube video by Jia (youtube.com/jiatv | twitter.com/missjia). I was mesmerized by Jia's hair story; which was very simple. She was 100% natural and her hair was divine. She swore by using Jamaican black castor oil and MTG. And I then swore by purchasing those products to achieve my own glorious mane. It was also then that I scoured through hundreds of Youtube videos featuring more ebony ladies with beautiful hair. I longed to take the courageous steps they took to achieve their wonderful heads of hair. However, my vanity took the best of me and after paying $160 for the hair and installation of my transitioning style micro braids, I took the micros out, relaxed my hair, and glue-in some tracks.
I wore the tracks for a while before deciding to go for the sew-in route of it all. It was also then that I said, "Screw this!" and officially started my transitioning journey. This was in October of 2009 and I'm happy to say I've been faithfully transitioning my hair from relaxed to natural. And at first it was hard! No lies included. I didn't know what I was doing. Luckily I kept my hair braided for the majority of the school year because, honestly, if I hadn't it probably would have broken all off.
It wasn't until earlier this summer that I started treating my hair with a little TLC. And it has done tremendously so far. It's conditioned, strong, thick; I love it!
My regimen isn't one that is set in stone. I do, however, make sure that I wash my hair and DC (deep condition) it once a week. I then apply oil to my scalp, shea butter on my hair, and spritz my hair with a water/glycerin mix. I really don't apply much heat to my hair. At the beginning of the summer I wore my hair straight for about three weeks; so I was doing blow-outs and dry wrapping my hair. But I got tired of doing that and I read that when transitioning you should try to make your relaxed ends match your natural texture of hair instead of straightening your new growth to match your ends. So, since then I've been wearing twist-outs primarily. And I've gotten a lot compliments on my hair. Matter of fact I've gotten compliment from so many black men regarding my hair. They love it!
I will be returning to school in about a month. And because I'm on the debate team at school I have to wear my hair straight, almost every weekend. So instead of trying to straighten my own hair and facing the chance of encountering permanent heat damage, I plan to buy some virgin indian hair and get a sew-in with a net. I would just buy "regular" hair but I think it's more feasible to buy indian hair seeing as it last so long and it's easy to blend natural hair with indian hair because of its coarser/thicker texture. I also plan on maintaining my routine of deep condition and keeping my natural hair very well moisturized inside the braids. I'm a little nervous about how I'm going to do this and still maintain the straight cute style of the sew-in but I'm also very excited to be able to have my hair in a protective style for so long. I know I'll love the growth outcome!
Transitioning to natural for me is not only a political statement to show the world you don't have to be multiracial and have what society deems as "good hair" to have long healthy hair. (You can grow naturally kinky, coarse hair long!) It's also a personal decision for me in my step to be at my healthiest. I plan on having 100% natural BSL (bra strap length) hair by the time I graduate from college. I'm taking the stand of a lot black women are deciding to take. It's a stand to show the world and society that black women are beautiful in our natural states. It's a stand to show our daughters and younger generations that you don't have to relax your hair if you don't want to. It's a stand showing the corporate world that you can have coarse, thick, kinky hair and still be competent and adequate enough to be successful in whatever capacity you choose. I, amongst the many other black going who are either transitioning or already natural, am liberating myself from the social stigmas placed on us and declaring we're taking our hairs back! And the saying is definitely true: NAPPY IS HAPPY!

Nappturally Yours,
Jai Byrd

P.S. Please share your natural journey with me! And I'll be sure to keep your posted on mine... Let's continue on together, feel me? =)
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Got The Gladys Blues...

"If I was your woman, here's what I'd do: I'd never, never, no, no stop loving you."

 

            Have you ever felt this way about someone? I don't know about yall, but I've got the Gladys blues right now. There is this one particular guy that I've had a crush on ever since I can remember. You see his dad and my dad grew up together; and since both of our father's are preachers as well as good friends, I've had the privilege of seeing him a few times a year. He's smart, sweet, has a good head on his shoulders, SAVED (thank you, Father!), talented, a momma's boy.. and must I say, very, very..... very attractive. Yet I don't think he even knew I existed until about three years ago. And even then, I don't think he's ever thought much about me.  Well... there was this time..

            I was turning seventeen that summer and we'd been texting on friendly terms that previous school tenure. He was a freshman in college and I was a junior in high school so I'd text him during my dull Pre-AP Algebra II class (so what I barely escape with a "C".. I graduated, didn't I?). Anyway, it was that summer that I was forced to go to summer school *hangs head in shame* and that summer right after midnight on the day of my seventeenth birthday this young man I'd been crushing on since toddler status called me and sung happy birthday to me. Now, I don't know if that meant anything or if he was just trying to show off his vocal ability... (no, honestly, part of me feels like he was just showing off). But regardless, that birthday memory has forever held a place in my heart. Like for real to this day nothing has been able to top that. *sighs deeply*

            Back to reality, this boy has never given me any reason to believe he's thought of me more than the little bigheaded girl who shadowed her father every time he preached at their church. So of course, me being the little guy-shy coward I am... I've done nothing about my crush. Well, nothing more than the shameless flirting I try to squeeze in on every encounter (Hey! What do you expect?? My daddy is a NUPE and my daddy taught ya girl well. LOL)

            Anywho (I swear, I get side tracked so much.. *smh*) as of.. who knows when? *rolls eyes* This knight in shining armor has been dating this young lady. And I won't tell a lie, I'm a tad bit disappointed. This guy (for the purposes of the rest of this entry we shall call Victor) and I have become "better friends." And I use this term because, although I would love to call us best friends, we're just not that close. Like my very best friend, Apple Juice (yeah.. that's definitely not his real name) is literally my best friend. "Victor" is just a really good friend, whose pretty much there if I need him. I sure hope you all understand me in separating the two... 'cause I'm definitely heading back to the premise of this thing. ANYWAY, I say I'm disappointed because I'm not jealous of the girl or their relationship. I'm genuinely happy to see him happy. He has so much love for her and if he's content, I'm ecstatic for him. But, I'm disappointed because I surely wouldn't hesitate if things were different and I was chosen for her role, ya feel me? But things are not always how you would like them to be, now are they?

            But I tell you. If I ever, and I mean ever, get the opportunity.. best believe honey, I'm taking it like Jordan in the playoffs. Okay, maybe that was too ol' school. My bad.. But yall get what I mean. I see it like this, "Victor" is one heck of a catch. He's gorgeous dark chocolate, a soon-to-be college graduate, tall, SAVED (yall you got's to SHOUT on that), smart, a sweetheart, kind, considerate, and can sing like Chris Brown RIGHT before the Rihanna situation (now I know the boy sounds the same.. but yall KNOW it's so much harder to listen and love his music after he Ike'd RiRi). He's definitely something else. And I darn sure mean these words I'm about to say: KEEP HIM HONEY! And keep him happy... 'cause the moment you let 'em go. He'll be gone forever...

            So ladies... shoot, even fellas, have yall ever had the Gladys blues? Share ya experiences.. How did you all deal? 'Cause I need a little assistance lol.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Update

So I know it's been some time since i've updated my blog but I'm here to thankfully inform those who may browse by that I'M BACK, SNITCHES!! And I promise this that I'm not going to neglect you all like I've done before, so now those who stop by can feel free to frequent the blog more frequently. I will also be making this promise to my lovely YouTube subbies so hopefully I can unite the two side of this beautiful e-family Ive acquire recently on the net.
Well here's the part where I update you all on what's going in the chaotic yet calming life of thee very beautiful externally as well as internally Jai Byrd --yes, honey... I float my own boat! ;)-- so let's get started. Well I'm in school down south now and over these past two semesters I can truly agree with Wiz Khalifa when that boy said "I Hate College"! Tehehehe but no, seriously it's a love-hate relationship down here between me and my education. I think it's because a huge part of me just wants to get this degree and go on about my business with my career. But then again, I love the freedom of havin minimal huge responsibilities.
I've also made the decision to go natural! YAY! It's been hard so far considering the fact that this humidity out here is insane. And I have really had the freedom to just wear my hair however so I haven't had the opportunity to learn how to manages and control it. But I'm in love with my texture. I can't wait to see the growth I'll have after this summer
bu I think that's about all for now. I still have a huge final to study for so I'm going to go run and do that "right now. I'll gt back with you lovlies later... Mwauh!