While intensely studying during my free time between classes, I decided it would be ideal to take my mandatory FaceBook break. The first thing I see on my newsfeed is a status saying, “single is not a status, it`s a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”I began to think long and hard on this ideology and while I love the concept, I have to be realistic and practical about the situation: at the end of the day, almost every young views this mantra as a big lie. Yes, it may be a lie we so willingly accept as we plaster our Beyonce-inspired “Single Ladies” diva face on for the rest of the world, but in the end it’s a lie. It’s human for any individual to long for one day finding a special companion. It’s truly a natural thing. So I wonder why it has become expected for black women to hide this natural instinct, in order to be accepted by our black counterparts. Are black women again being asked to resort to the immorality we’ve been subjected to in the past? To simply suggest that one be completely content in being alone due to the fact that to ever depend on anyone signifies weakness, is a suggestion that I’m not sure I can accept. Please believe me, I am in no way advocating that as black women we should desire being totally dependent on another individual, yet in the same breath I cannot bring myself to advocate that as women we should think our desire to court be a sign of weakness. I think there’s strength in being able to court and not lose yourself as a person. I think there’s strength in being able to find true love. I think a woman’s love is strength. Just some food for thought…
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Growing Pains, Ed. 1
As we grow we run into different walls of realization travelling down the pathways of life. And naturally, I’ve hit a few grand epiphanies over the past weeks. So here begins a series of the lessons learned, entitled “Growing Pains.”
1. I refuse to NOT stand up for myself. I’ve spent a lot time allowing certain things to happen because in an effort of being mature, I’ve decided to let it “roll off my shoulders” all the while letting it eat away at my dignity and reputation. Yes, picking your battles is a trait of the mature, but I realized picking your battles doesn’t mean letting the presence of your army be ignored. What I’m simply saying is that while I’m not going to exhaust myself ensuring things always go in my favor, I will allow my opinion on the matter be known in a clear and concise manner.
2. I will not allow anyone to get the best of me. I’m a mature young adult. I refuse to spend my adult life bickering with others as if I’m a child. I will set my emotional temperment aside and say exactly what’s on my mind once and once only. What’s the saying? If you argue with a fool, no one passing by will be able to distinguish exactly who the fool is. I’m sure that’s not the saying verbatim, but you get the point being made.
3. I will find time for the pleasures in life. Whether it be taking a nap, going to the movies, reading a book, or listening to jazz while blogging. I will not let the stresses of the world consume my every day and hour. Life is about finding a balance and I’ve yet to do that. But I’m determined to find a happy medium.
4. No more dumbing myself down for the public. I’m a smart young lady. I have a very extensive and eloquent vocabulary (although it’s not apparent within this particular blog post). I feel like everyday I dumb myself down to seem approachable, I lower my standards and trick my mind into honestly believing I’m a dummy. I think this point is pretty self-explanatory. But in case it isn’t.. it’s like this: why hide God’s blessings?
5. Forgiveness is key. I must forgive in order to be forgiven. I’m not going to forget necessarily. But I must look at every mistake and wrong doing as a lesson learned and nothing more or less than that.
… Look forward to more “Growing Pains."
1. I refuse to NOT stand up for myself. I’ve spent a lot time allowing certain things to happen because in an effort of being mature, I’ve decided to let it “roll off my shoulders” all the while letting it eat away at my dignity and reputation. Yes, picking your battles is a trait of the mature, but I realized picking your battles doesn’t mean letting the presence of your army be ignored. What I’m simply saying is that while I’m not going to exhaust myself ensuring things always go in my favor, I will allow my opinion on the matter be known in a clear and concise manner.
2. I will not allow anyone to get the best of me. I’m a mature young adult. I refuse to spend my adult life bickering with others as if I’m a child. I will set my emotional temperment aside and say exactly what’s on my mind once and once only. What’s the saying? If you argue with a fool, no one passing by will be able to distinguish exactly who the fool is. I’m sure that’s not the saying verbatim, but you get the point being made.
3. I will find time for the pleasures in life. Whether it be taking a nap, going to the movies, reading a book, or listening to jazz while blogging. I will not let the stresses of the world consume my every day and hour. Life is about finding a balance and I’ve yet to do that. But I’m determined to find a happy medium.
4. No more dumbing myself down for the public. I’m a smart young lady. I have a very extensive and eloquent vocabulary (although it’s not apparent within this particular blog post). I feel like everyday I dumb myself down to seem approachable, I lower my standards and trick my mind into honestly believing I’m a dummy. I think this point is pretty self-explanatory. But in case it isn’t.. it’s like this: why hide God’s blessings?
5. Forgiveness is key. I must forgive in order to be forgiven. I’m not going to forget necessarily. But I must look at every mistake and wrong doing as a lesson learned and nothing more or less than that.
… Look forward to more “Growing Pains."
Love. Or Tolerance?
I was reading the FaceBook status of an old male friend of mine, announcing the joys of his new-found romance and female acquaintance. He quoted the well-known cliche by saying, “Relationships are not about finding true love but about learning to love someone in their truest state.” I’ve heard this motif over and over and it would seem as though this has been tested tried and true.
Now what I’m about to say may be due to the innate “Hopeless Romantic” syndrome I acquired as a young girl, but I just don’t buy that logic. I cannot deny, I’ve been caught in my fair share of relationships where the romance was simply gone and I was just going with the motions. But that wasn’t happiness… toleration, to say the least. Yes I’ve sung the lamenting lines along with Luther.. “if you can’t be with the one you love… Love the one you’re with.” But I just don’t believe life ever gets that bad. Maybe its just the hopeless romantic in me but I’d never want to be with someone who just tolerated me or had to ‘warm up to’ the true me. Honestly, as much as I hate to say I’d rather be single than to be with someone who had to learn to care for me.
I think we live in a time in which the idea of black love is something that is slipping further out of our grasp. On YouTube you can see a myriad of videos from black people young and old downright bashing black love, black men, and black women. For a race so driven to overcome the stereotypes written for them, we have succumb to reiterating and adding validity to those very same stereotypes. Since viewing the plethora of YouTube videos I have been informed that since I’m a black woman I have a bad attitude, I’m loud, superficial, un-cultured, and that I ultimately possess no couth. This message being delivered is one that is not doesn’t seem to be offering any constructive criticism for young black people like me, rather it offers a message of lost hope.
As an advocate of all things black —black babies, black natural hair, black traditions, black love— I refuse be told that I can’t get married to a wonderful black man and have a beautiful black family that actually stays together. I refuse to believe that days of the “Cliff & Claire Huxtable” type of romance are over. I understand that things are definitely changing for all people in the terms of the standards of love and romance. And I am aware that long are the days of what we would consider the conventional gender roles of how one should act within relationships. It would be ridiculous to suggest that there is a certain mold everyone should follow to ensure a long-lasting relationship filled with romance and happiness. But I can stand confidently in assuring you— as well as the many black men and women on YouTube— that there are answers to their doubts about love.
Just thoughts. Definitely not the finish chapter on this subject… more to be developed..
Now what I’m about to say may be due to the innate “Hopeless Romantic” syndrome I acquired as a young girl, but I just don’t buy that logic. I cannot deny, I’ve been caught in my fair share of relationships where the romance was simply gone and I was just going with the motions. But that wasn’t happiness… toleration, to say the least. Yes I’ve sung the lamenting lines along with Luther.. “if you can’t be with the one you love… Love the one you’re with.” But I just don’t believe life ever gets that bad. Maybe its just the hopeless romantic in me but I’d never want to be with someone who just tolerated me or had to ‘warm up to’ the true me. Honestly, as much as I hate to say I’d rather be single than to be with someone who had to learn to care for me.
I think we live in a time in which the idea of black love is something that is slipping further out of our grasp. On YouTube you can see a myriad of videos from black people young and old downright bashing black love, black men, and black women. For a race so driven to overcome the stereotypes written for them, we have succumb to reiterating and adding validity to those very same stereotypes. Since viewing the plethora of YouTube videos I have been informed that since I’m a black woman I have a bad attitude, I’m loud, superficial, un-cultured, and that I ultimately possess no couth. This message being delivered is one that is not doesn’t seem to be offering any constructive criticism for young black people like me, rather it offers a message of lost hope.
As an advocate of all things black —black babies, black natural hair, black traditions, black love— I refuse be told that I can’t get married to a wonderful black man and have a beautiful black family that actually stays together. I refuse to believe that days of the “Cliff & Claire Huxtable” type of romance are over. I understand that things are definitely changing for all people in the terms of the standards of love and romance. And I am aware that long are the days of what we would consider the conventional gender roles of how one should act within relationships. It would be ridiculous to suggest that there is a certain mold everyone should follow to ensure a long-lasting relationship filled with romance and happiness. But I can stand confidently in assuring you— as well as the many black men and women on YouTube— that there are answers to their doubts about love.
Just thoughts. Definitely not the finish chapter on this subject… more to be developed..
"Game Recognize Game..."
It’s always funny to me when boys think they’re gaming. In this small and predictable world we live in.. You would have to be a complete and utter fool to not pick up on the different patterns life presents us. Game is confined by certain barriers and constraints. With that being said, you should be able to detect certain patterns formed within the game. Of course, the best of players have developed strategies in their attempt to monopolize the game; however, no strategy can ever step outside the boundaries in which said game was constructed. So the best defeat to the most complex strategy is to remember and work in favor of those constraints. All in all… Game recognizes game, my dear fellows. So let the jests begin!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Love Diaries - Entry One
Hello Lovebirds. I'm so stuck. And I think I made a very unwise decision tonight. I ask the brother of the guy I'm "talking" to about him. Wait, let me clarify: Let's call the guy I'm "talking" to Dre.. So I asked Dre's brother about Dre. And I didn't really get an answer; which lead me to the conclusion that I have to get to the bottom of this problem myself. To the few readers I do encounter, I know none of this story makes sense so let me begin from the very start of things.
Ok, so as it could probably be inferred: I'm in college. And during this past spring semester I happened to notice this really reserved cutie with glasses and dreads. I mentioned he was pretty cute (in an awkward kind of way) to my best friend Rayla and she took it upon herself to let him know. If I'm not mistaken she decided to do this at a party the night after we spotted this young cat, which was a no-no for me. One, because I'm really shy when it comes to relationships and random guys. And two, it would have ruined whatever game I thought I had with the dudes I had been basically playing with. So, alas, no introduction was given. No names exchanged. No nothing. And I left it alone at that. It wasn't really any sweat of my back. I was still getting in where I was fitting in.
Fast forward to mid-February.. I spotted this same gentleman on the second floor of the building my major courses were located. He looked a little lost so me being me asked, "Um, are you okay?" (I must've thought I was cute that day or I would've never spoken to him.) And he replied, "No, I'm ****" (No that was not necessarily an obscenity.. however, it was something you just don't disclose with anyone so we've edited this little secret for him and have challenged you all to use your lovely imaginations.) Anyway I chuckled and walked away not really paying him much attention. Later, some time shortly after our encounter on the stairwell, I see him in the game room of our student union building and I began speaking to both him and his homeboy. Random sh-t talking is all I really shared with them and I must admit it was pretty fun. Our conversations begin to extend from the student union to the cafe to pretty much where ever I saw them on campus. I remember one night in particular I was waiting to head to study educational training for an organization I'm apart of and we share some conversation revealing that we had a few similar interest. I jokingly (but half-seriously) made the comment, "Let me get away from you because you're cool people and I'm about out of slot for friendships, man." We laughed and I asked him about the kick-ass tattoo of a liberty bell on his arm. He shared with me that he got it when he was sixteen years old and it was special to him because it represented where he is from: Philadelphia. Now, I have already gained a wonderful big brother and mentor (as well as his family) from Philly so I'm thinking, "Hell yeah! The dudes from Philly got 'it'."
Anyway, we exchanged emails and full names right before Spring Break. We added each other and began chatting via FaceBook. I asked him if he was going to be returning to our school. He said yes. I told him (and at this point I was being one hundred perfect genuine) that was great because we needed more men like him at our school; people who seemingly have a good head on their shoulders and are courageous enough to dissent and fight for change. He agreed and we exchanged numbers. At that time I wasn’t really trying to get at him like that so I didn’t think anything of my actions. I kind of figured that he either thought I was trying to talk to him or he was attempting to get at me because the week of spring break while we were texting (side note: I didn’t get a real spring break because I was at debate nationals.. *insert really sad, pathetic crying face here*) he had mentioned that he went bowling. I said that I was jealous and he suggested that we should go bowling sometime. I didn’t think much of it then either, though, because I’m just a dweeb like that I guess.
So after that our conversations via text got longer and we began speaking more frequently. And somehow, someway we began “talking.” We began hanging out when we got a chance and etc. He admitted that he thought I was attractive and I told him he was cute (so child-like). And when I was finish with my educational training and initiation into my beloved organization (Omega Alpha Chi Music Honor Society). I figured we would finally get to chill. But, alas, I was terribly wrong. It seems like as soon as I got done being busy he began his busy season. And honestly, I was a bit disappointed and hurt due to the fact that all he was doing was going to go chill with his friends… but I couldn’t trip too much because just like my organization was a my chosen priority during my busy times, his friends were his chosen priority and I couldn’t be mad at that.
He asked me to be his girl a while back and I told him that he had to get voted in. Stupid? Yes, I know. But I really just wanted him to be able to talk to my big brother K, so that he could do his big brother questioning and find out if Dre was really feeling me. And then when I came back from an excursion to Houston with Ray, my big sister Que told me that she had heard that he had got his johnson swagged down by some random and that he used to date this mole-rat looking chick at our school. I was confused and obviously pissed by this information. And when I asked him he laughed and said no of it was true. We moved on (even though my sister Que insisted he was lying). All of that tugged with me for about a week. Ray and one of my LB wanted to come straight out and ask him for all the details but I told them to chill. I wasn’t quite sure if I believed him completely or not. But I honestly didn’t care anymore. He was decent people and I liked him. So it was at that point that I decided that he was worth the risk. And I never really thought more of that situation.
Now, it’s summer time and I’m as confused as a baby in store full of fake candy. He still has of these flirtatious tweets popping up on his timeline. But in my mind, we’re not officially titled or together so I can’t be majorly upset. I’m a flirt myself. And he’s still talking about how much he likes me and calling me his baby and all that. I just don’t know where we’re heading. I want to know our boundaries and if we’re working towards a relationship. I really care about Dre. But I love myself enough to want to live my life. So if we’re just going to be stuck in this “talking” phase, I’d at least like to know so that I’ll know how to assess my feelings for him and gauge where we’re at. I know he likes me—that’s not even a question (his brother confirmed this to me just today*). I would just like to know if he’s willing to sacrifice and enter a real relationship or are we just chilling. I’m just too damn ambitious to be lost like this. Give me some damn direction Dre!
*His brother posed a question concerning us: “Can two different people with two different lifestyles work something out?” That’s an excellent question and now it sucks because I have to delve into my thoughts and see if it’s actually possible.
WHAT DO Y’ALL THINK? LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS IF YOU HAVE ANY & IF YOU’VE BEEN IN A SIMILAR BOAT BEFORE TELL ME HOW YOU’VE DEALT…
Ok, so as it could probably be inferred: I'm in college. And during this past spring semester I happened to notice this really reserved cutie with glasses and dreads. I mentioned he was pretty cute (in an awkward kind of way) to my best friend Rayla and she took it upon herself to let him know. If I'm not mistaken she decided to do this at a party the night after we spotted this young cat, which was a no-no for me. One, because I'm really shy when it comes to relationships and random guys. And two, it would have ruined whatever game I thought I had with the dudes I had been basically playing with. So, alas, no introduction was given. No names exchanged. No nothing. And I left it alone at that. It wasn't really any sweat of my back. I was still getting in where I was fitting in.
Fast forward to mid-February.. I spotted this same gentleman on the second floor of the building my major courses were located. He looked a little lost so me being me asked, "Um, are you okay?" (I must've thought I was cute that day or I would've never spoken to him.) And he replied, "No, I'm ****" (No that was not necessarily an obscenity.. however, it was something you just don't disclose with anyone so we've edited this little secret for him and have challenged you all to use your lovely imaginations.) Anyway I chuckled and walked away not really paying him much attention. Later, some time shortly after our encounter on the stairwell, I see him in the game room of our student union building and I began speaking to both him and his homeboy. Random sh-t talking is all I really shared with them and I must admit it was pretty fun. Our conversations begin to extend from the student union to the cafe to pretty much where ever I saw them on campus. I remember one night in particular I was waiting to head to study educational training for an organization I'm apart of and we share some conversation revealing that we had a few similar interest. I jokingly (but half-seriously) made the comment, "Let me get away from you because you're cool people and I'm about out of slot for friendships, man." We laughed and I asked him about the kick-ass tattoo of a liberty bell on his arm. He shared with me that he got it when he was sixteen years old and it was special to him because it represented where he is from: Philadelphia. Now, I have already gained a wonderful big brother and mentor (as well as his family) from Philly so I'm thinking, "Hell yeah! The dudes from Philly got 'it'."
Anyway, we exchanged emails and full names right before Spring Break. We added each other and began chatting via FaceBook. I asked him if he was going to be returning to our school. He said yes. I told him (and at this point I was being one hundred perfect genuine) that was great because we needed more men like him at our school; people who seemingly have a good head on their shoulders and are courageous enough to dissent and fight for change. He agreed and we exchanged numbers. At that time I wasn’t really trying to get at him like that so I didn’t think anything of my actions. I kind of figured that he either thought I was trying to talk to him or he was attempting to get at me because the week of spring break while we were texting (side note: I didn’t get a real spring break because I was at debate nationals.. *insert really sad, pathetic crying face here*) he had mentioned that he went bowling. I said that I was jealous and he suggested that we should go bowling sometime. I didn’t think much of it then either, though, because I’m just a dweeb like that I guess.
So after that our conversations via text got longer and we began speaking more frequently. And somehow, someway we began “talking.” We began hanging out when we got a chance and etc. He admitted that he thought I was attractive and I told him he was cute (so child-like). And when I was finish with my educational training and initiation into my beloved organization (Omega Alpha Chi Music Honor Society). I figured we would finally get to chill. But, alas, I was terribly wrong. It seems like as soon as I got done being busy he began his busy season. And honestly, I was a bit disappointed and hurt due to the fact that all he was doing was going to go chill with his friends… but I couldn’t trip too much because just like my organization was a my chosen priority during my busy times, his friends were his chosen priority and I couldn’t be mad at that.
He asked me to be his girl a while back and I told him that he had to get voted in. Stupid? Yes, I know. But I really just wanted him to be able to talk to my big brother K, so that he could do his big brother questioning and find out if Dre was really feeling me. And then when I came back from an excursion to Houston with Ray, my big sister Que told me that she had heard that he had got his johnson swagged down by some random and that he used to date this mole-rat looking chick at our school. I was confused and obviously pissed by this information. And when I asked him he laughed and said no of it was true. We moved on (even though my sister Que insisted he was lying). All of that tugged with me for about a week. Ray and one of my LB wanted to come straight out and ask him for all the details but I told them to chill. I wasn’t quite sure if I believed him completely or not. But I honestly didn’t care anymore. He was decent people and I liked him. So it was at that point that I decided that he was worth the risk. And I never really thought more of that situation.
Now, it’s summer time and I’m as confused as a baby in store full of fake candy. He still has of these flirtatious tweets popping up on his timeline. But in my mind, we’re not officially titled or together so I can’t be majorly upset. I’m a flirt myself. And he’s still talking about how much he likes me and calling me his baby and all that. I just don’t know where we’re heading. I want to know our boundaries and if we’re working towards a relationship. I really care about Dre. But I love myself enough to want to live my life. So if we’re just going to be stuck in this “talking” phase, I’d at least like to know so that I’ll know how to assess my feelings for him and gauge where we’re at. I know he likes me—that’s not even a question (his brother confirmed this to me just today*). I would just like to know if he’s willing to sacrifice and enter a real relationship or are we just chilling. I’m just too damn ambitious to be lost like this. Give me some damn direction Dre!
*His brother posed a question concerning us: “Can two different people with two different lifestyles work something out?” That’s an excellent question and now it sucks because I have to delve into my thoughts and see if it’s actually possible.
WHAT DO Y’ALL THINK? LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS IF YOU HAVE ANY & IF YOU’VE BEEN IN A SIMILAR BOAT BEFORE TELL ME HOW YOU’VE DEALT…
XOXO
Love, Peace, & Great Ambitions,
Claire
Make sure you stay CONNECTED!
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Monday, May 23, 2011
I'm So Confused
For the past few days I've literally been crying myself sh-tless. I don't understand exactly where this is all coming from but I definitely can say that I think heartbreak has a lot to do with it. And I don't necessarily think it's about the fate of a relationship I've been trying to build with a certain someone but I think it's more so anger towards my myself for trusting my emotions and allowing myself to be open to potentially falling for someone.
I've been talking to this guy for a little while now and I thought everything was going as perfectly as possible but as of last week a few of his tweets (damn you twitter!) left me disturbed and confused. Now, I know what you're probably thinking, "Oh, Lord! Another potential relationship gone down the drain due to an insecure little girl tweet checking this man.. Cue the violins." And I honestly, I don't care if that is the opinion of some or most. But it's my earnest belief that if you're talking to someone about starting something as special as a relationship, you should at least have the decency to keep your extracurricular b.s. to a minimum or not be audiciauos enough to post it where they could potentially see it. Anyway since then, our conversations have seemed to get shorter and shorter. They lack the luster and depth they once had. I can just sense everything on the decline.
And from the conversation I've had with a mutual friend of ours, it just isn't meant to last. I guess now the question is: how do you get over someone while still keeping the line of communication with them open?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I give up!
I've been talking to this guy for a little while now and I thought everything was going as perfectly as possible but as of last week a few of his tweets (damn you twitter!) left me disturbed and confused. Now, I know what you're probably thinking, "Oh, Lord! Another potential relationship gone down the drain due to an insecure little girl tweet checking this man.. Cue the violins." And I honestly, I don't care if that is the opinion of some or most. But it's my earnest belief that if you're talking to someone about starting something as special as a relationship, you should at least have the decency to keep your extracurricular b.s. to a minimum or not be audiciauos enough to post it where they could potentially see it. Anyway since then, our conversations have seemed to get shorter and shorter. They lack the luster and depth they once had. I can just sense everything on the decline.
And from the conversation I've had with a mutual friend of ours, it just isn't meant to last. I guess now the question is: how do you get over someone while still keeping the line of communication with them open?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I give up!
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