No Boo?.. No Bestie?.. Not Feeling This Look. =0[

Okay so I've been back from Cali for a while now. Just been in a really sucky 'rut' and didn't feel like blogging. To be honest.. I don't really feel like blogging now but I do feel like expressing my emotions. So get ready for this roller coaster..

So in California, I must say I enjoyed myself but I didn't really get the opportunity to express my adventurous wiles. I was pretty much couped up in the hotel room most of my trip. Which, I guess it was to be expected since I was travelling with family. But it was basically..... basically, a big "I guess" moment. IDK.. I know I have to go back and re-do things at the next given opportunity.

Okay so anyway. When I got back home I had to go to work. And I have this whole love/hate relationship with my job. I love the pay (somewhat). But the experience there could definitely be upgraded. It's part-time so I'm not really complaining. It's not a permanent move for me but I definitely have my share of "Wooo-sahhh!" moments there. Customers really try to test the waters with me and my temperament. LOL.

Man, I don't know if I'm inheriting the bi-polar tendencies of my mother or my PMS is going mainstream but I've been going through the motions.

You guys wanna know what I've been 'craving' for at least 2 months now? A man. LOL. I want to get "Boo'd UP" like my girl Tracie Mae was talking about. Everybody has them. Relationships have become the new prada bag. Seriously, everyone I know is getting with S O M E B O D Y. A plague is infecting my area. It's not necessarily like I'm one of those lame, desperate females who must remain at a certain pathetic level of dependency. But it's more like it's been too long.. and I want somebody there to share my experiences with. Someone older.. wiser.. a guide, if you will, during this 'trying' time in life. It would be nice. Especially since I'm going through some changes and I think others in my life are too.

Like if you look back to my first posts on here I talked about my bestfriend (yes, I realize that's two words.. don't try me)William. Well, I haven't talked to Apple Juice (his nickname) in several weeks. And it's not for lack of trying. Last few times I talked to him he seemed so very agitated. And I'm not trying to make it like the world revolves around my existence but the root of annoyance had my name somewhere on it. I mean, I guess it shouldn't matter because we're best friends but as the same time I'm really tired of emotionally draining myself to keep lines of communication open. I do it with everyone. And it's extremely tiring. I can't do it. Really, I can't so I had to stop for a while. My theory is if someone wants to talk to me they know how to get in touch with me. End of story.

Man, I swear I'm going through some tough hard-knocks in life. But like I always say that MUST be a sign that a blessing is about to come. Something big, too. God's working on me so that I can receive a gift and the way He's working I just know I'm going to be literally "crunk for Jesus" and I ain't even mad at that.

Well anyway, feel free to comment. Do whatever at this point. If this is your first time reading I apologize but go back and read other posts, I promise those are a bit more intellectual. LOL. Keep checking back in, please. And tell your friends about it. THANKS!


1Luv,
Jai.Love-

California Love...

Okay so as I type I'm sitting in my cousin's dorm room in Palo Alto, California. And I L-O-V-E Cali so far.

I don't have much to say but I'll report back later...

Random Rant #1

Have you ever been so determined to do something and then when it comes down to crunch time you just sit by idly? Well, that's how I feel right about now. And it's not even anything too serious. I'm supposed to leave for California tomorrow morning and I can't even motivate my lazy butt to go finish washing my clothes. Gah... slothfulness is surely not the business.


Ok, so yesterday I went to work. And boy, I tell you your girl Jai must be losing her marbles because this white boys are beginning to become so attractive to me. And not to say that white men can't be attractive but I've ALWAYS had a personal preference for my black men. Shoot, to be completely honest, my preference has been for dark chocolate black men. It's nothing like a Kevin Garnett complexioned brother to walk in and I faint from unbelief. Lol. But anyway there's this guy I work with and he's cute --for a white boy. Lol. Yeah, sorry. I can't do it to my black brothers.

Yesterday I took my tacky butt to Target. I swear they try to do you so grimy. I seriously don't know why I didn't go to WalMart. Target is only the business when it comes to cheap clothes. But they sure are expensive on the little items. Man, that burned my butt. I spent almost $12 on 2 pairs of flip flops and some Ambi product. I don't know about yall our there but that's a big glutton and high for me. Especially because I'm broke.

And another thing. MoFo's always wanna ask you to promote and spread the word about them and when you ask them to return the favor they become a big hollywood Halle Berry Lawrence-wanna-change-his-name-to-Larry Fishburn superstar. I guess one thing is true --black folk will remain black folk.

Ok, now lemme stop. That was so politically incorrect of me.

But it is so true. Well I'm tired again.. the laziness is creeping back on me so I'm going to cut this short.

What Happened to My Black "MEN"

First let me start by saying that I grew up which the vast majority of my family being male. So I have been blessed to not only have the personal female perspective I also have a great insight on the minds of men and why they do the things they do. And there are times in discussion that you could assume I'm siding with the guy's point of view and I would agree --because honestly some of the things we say as women have no follow-through. They just don't quite cut it in the world of logic. But what I'm about to say is going to going to be almost completely out of my character, but it has to be done. And don't get me wrong I'm going to bring up both sides of this argument but as for now I feel like I should write about the problems occurring with many black men.

Okay, let me disclaim this whole entry by saying I LOVE black men. I love everything about them! I seriously could not do without them. I'm not opposed to interracial relationships but to me it's never even crossed my mind. Ever since I was little, I knew I was going to fall in mad in love with a beautiful, masculine black man, get married, and have beautiful black babies. I still find that to be true. Not that men of other races aren't attractive but to me all they earn is a "He's cute for a 'insert race here' boy." Not that it matters but to me black men are the cream of the crop. There is none greater! They're second to none.. well, okay, I think you get the idea, so I'll move on.

Now with all my love for black brothers, I feel, as proud supporter and proponent of black love, that it is obligation to speak out and give brothers a reality check. So here it goes:

For I don't know how long I've been hearing black men complain about black women, and the comments I hear are so degrading and ignorant. I understand there are a few characteristic that we, as black women, commonly carry and sometimes I know that some things many of us black women do can be a bit overbearing. But to swear off black men for other races.. that's extreme. Especially when you do it under the pretenses that every single black woman is the exact same to the next black woman.

Men for the longest time had been asking --or should I say, complaining, rather-- that black women hold on to the grudges of past relationship and that we judge our current/future relationships and men by the misdoings of our exboyfriends/husbands. Which, I have to be honest, does occur. But wouldn't you say by assuming every black is actually like the last sister you've met or dated is doing the same thing, essentially?

I'm tired of hearing this conversations and discussion where black women are being torn down. If you're having problems in relationship or simply with the people you encounter, why don't you take the time to evaluate not other that person but yourself. Make sure you didn't have any contribution to the downfall of that relationship or encounter.. and if all is well on your part feel free to place blame --not on ALL black women but those who have made you believe such things.

Black men, more than anyone, should know how hard it is to live with negative stereotypes weighing down on you. And yet, black men, more now than ever, have placed negative stereotypes on black women. Now, don't get me wrong so woman do fulfill these stereotypes and I'm not condoning this women or their wrong doing, however, I am saying to black men that in no way does that excuse you or allow you to judge black women as a whole based on a few bad apples. How do you all think that makes us women who are looking for a decent relationship with a black man feel when we hear that we're damned even before we try? It's like why even put forth effort to show men that we're different if they won't even allow us the second of a day to prove, "WE'RE NOT ALL THE SAME!"

Again, as I stated before I am planning on presenting the problems with black females later but for now I'd like some men to explain to me the justification behind the actions you all put forth? If you're a black man looking for love and would like that love to be with a black woman change you're current outlook if you're what I describe because honestly if you expect all black women to act negatively then all you will meet is negative black women.

There will probably be a part two to this considering the fact I can't concentrate due to American Idol being on. So leave your love.. Leave your hate... this Jai Bird's song is to be continued ;o]! Love yall.

©JaiLove™

Obama vs. Clinton

Okay, it's time for Little Miss Political to voice her opinion on today's' politics. Now, first off let me start by addressing that I DO NOT SUPPORT Obama because he is an African-American. I support him solely because he's the one candidate I agree with the most. I'm getting tired with America making this election about race! Sure, there is an African-American and a woman running for the first time in history but this race has been going on for how long now? It's about time to get over the shock value. We, as a country, are in too critical of a place to be focusing on details that really play no part with how the country will be ran if either one of these candidates were elected.



I know that many Americans are now upset because of Obama's pastor Richard Wright and his "anti-patriotic" comments on America. But to be honest you can't judge a man by the words his pastor says. What the media has been portraying has been taken totally out of context. I'm really big on politics and I've been following this race closely, so when these allegations came about instinctively I set out to do research. And after reviewing the particular message the media extracted the sound clip from, I was utterly disgusting with what the media has once again done. And let me pause parenthetically to say: if you're basing your votes solely on what the media has shown, you as a person are cheating yourself and this country. Now I know you can't conduct personal interviews with each candidate and then decide who's best BUT you can do your research to either back up or deny what the media has fed you. But anyway back to what I was saying... the message Jeremiah Wright was preaching was a Palm's Sunday sermon was urging his congregation not to treat the government as God.

And if we want to still bash him for his comments, let us not forget that when Hilary was in the white house with Bill their pastor was Billy Graham and he has even said in so many words that America is going to have to pay for her misdoings.



But, wait, let me disclaim my remarks by saying that in no way am I condoning anti-Americans but I don't believe Jeremiah Wright nor Obama are in any way anti-America. Wright is a radical-type preacher as many other preachers are declared. Some things he says maybe be shunned upon --especially by white America.



I was watching the news the other day and some politician said that Wright was psycho because he mentioned his belief that AIDS was a government instituted disease. But to be 100% honest that concept came about in the 70's and its something I've heard many times within the black community. And it's not like it's 100% unbelievable since we do know of the government giving a camp full of blacks syphilis to see how it would react with humans. My point is just because you have not heard these notions you can not discount them to be something of alien descent or even say that he's some type of crazy cultist. And you can't believe that some one's pastor is their sole source of knowledge. I don't necessarily agree with what people within my church congregation have to say.. and I'm not judged by their comments either.



Obama is a good man! And on the other hand I don't support Clinton because she comes off as very passive-aggressive and sneaky. There is just something about her that is dishonest. And at the start of this race I was for her but she lost my trust by letting Bob Johnson speak on her behalf to tell us that as African-Americans we shouldn't vote for Obama because he's exploiting the black vote. And I'm thinking isn't this the same guy who exploited blacks on his BET channel then sold it so that we could be exploited even more. But I guess exploitation is only okay when it involves money.. but votes? OH NO!



Let me digress.. my blood temperature's rising. Lol. Think about what I said.. Spread the love or hate and comment. I'm GONE!

The Hood Has a Word. Lol..

Fellas, Fellas, Fellas.. uhmm. Yall never cease to amaze me. Lately I've been hearing a lot of males complain about us females and the problems we create. And first, let me start off by saying: You can't judge an entire gender off of the wrong-doings of the little hood rats you've messed with. And secondly, like my main dude Katt Williams said if you keep attracting worthless people you probably need to figure out what it is about your 'pussy' or in this case your swag, your personality, your actions, your game, etc., that's attracting worthless people. [Note: I didn't quote him verbatim, dur. But that's the main idea.] But anyway let me address a few of the concerns shown by the males and ladies listen up.

Okay I'm tired of males not understanding why many females cast judgement based off of the guys in their past. NOTE: I agree, fellas, it's wrong and I'm not condoning it in any way. HOWEVER, if you get bitten by a snake I sure bet yall would be hella careful around the next snake you see, right? Same theory.

BUT LADIES seriously we need to stop blaming every man for another man's dirt. And if you have serious reason to expect your man is doing you wrong.. why are you still with him? Don't be naive. Don't be gullible. And definitely don't condone his actions because all you're doing is making it hard for the next black woman. If you call him on it 1 of 2 things will happen: 1 if it's true love maybe he'll change his ways and yall can eventually move on. 2 maybe he'll eventually realize "Hey, I guess this forever a pimp stuff doesn't really work" and you'll have done the next chick he gets with a huge service.

Also LADIES [I hate to side with the fellas BUT] quit suppressing the few good men we have. If you have a good man, embrace him and quit nagging. My daddy also told me if you hear enough of something negative you'll eventually stop trying to make people believe you're positive. Stop saying all black men are bad and shine light on the good black men. Stop pointing out all dude's flaw and comparing them to white men or Hispanic men. Quit tearing down my strong black brothers. Most dude's out there thuggin or playing females only do it for 1 of 3 reasons: 1. Enough black women have put him down; swearing he's not going to be anything to the point where he either believes it, or he doesn't care to prove anybody wrong anymore. 2. He's model after a brother, uncle, or father [who many times acts the way he does b/c of reason number 1.] or 3. He's not mature yet. BUILD OUR MEN UP NOT TEAR THEM DOWN!!

And fellas, stop allowing women to beat up your egos. Now, I don't mean being egotistical and arrogant but develop some self esteem! Us ladies can tell when a man has confidence because he'll drop all the 'game' and 'lines' and step to us with respect. Not necessarily nerdy or dorkish or even lame but he'll step with respect enough to get to know our names. Like saying "shorty" and "sweetie" is okay once every blue moon but honestly I've have more respect and compassion to say something like you have good sense. Leave the mack at home if you're trying to find something real and true. Like, seriously. Now, I'll admit some dudes can step to me with 'game' and I'll know it's game but at the time I won't really care because I'm not seeing him as dating material. He's just tryna have fun like me. But if you come respectfully I'm more likely to see you as more than 1 Saturday in February. Yeh Dig?

And last but not least ladies quit thinking game is your next boyfriend. And fellas quit thinking that booty is your next wife. Game is exactly what it is. It's not meant to last long. It's not meant to be something special. And booty is the same way. Find something durable.. something less disposable. And make sure you're all together and content with yourself before you go searching. A bf/gf is not necessarily supposed to complete you but their suppose to compliment you. SO COMPLETE YOURSELF AND FIND YOUR COMPLIMENT.

Thanks.. ©--»JaiLove™

Nothing Important.. Seriously.

Maturity. It's a great thing, HOWEVER, no one ever warned me that with maturity comes irritation. It's like the more mature I get as life progresses the more I see people for what they really are. And the less I take into consideration the thoughts or opinions of others and how they feel about me. It's like, I get real tired of people telling me, "Hey, you talk a lot." I know this. I've talked 'too much' since I was a baby. Nothings changing. I really don't care if you don't like it. Have something decent to say and I wouldn't feel the need to express myself as much. Maybe.

And another thing. Why are people so darn sensitive now a days. What ever happened to the 'suck it up and move on' philosphy? Is it seriously off limits to make harmless jokes about people without them getting clinically depressed and being pissed off about it?

I don't have much to say. Just felt I haven't written anything in a few days so I wanted to post so all of my 2 readers (lol) wouldn't be wondering where Ms. Jai went.

P.S. Have I mentioned I L-O-V-E dark skinned guys. Mhhhmmm-Mhhhmmmmm-Mhhmmmmmmm! That's about it for now.

Pain? [Old Post]

This is an older post, I'm only re-posting this during this period of reflection of my life. I think it's important to see the progress I've made within my life in contrast to the feelings I still harbor.

So I guess all pain is subjective, huh? What may hurt may not necessarily hurt you. I've been in pain every since I can remember. I remember being a little kid and hearing my parents argue.. but I didn't really think too much of it because that's something that did on the regular. My household had also been kinda split. It was always like my brother Anton belonged to my mother and I belong to my father. Anytime there was an argument my dad would insist I go with him where ever --mostly my grandmother's house. The only time my mom actually fought for me was purely out of spite for my father. And even as a six year old.. I resented her for that. I used to cry myself to sleep when holidays like Easter came along. You see, my brother Anton always got one of those store bought "nice" basket with all the candy and toys in it. And I always received a home-made basket with some candy and fake play eggs. And although my parent's probably assumed I cried and was upset because I wanted more or I was materialistic or even unappreciative. I really cried because even as a little kid it felt like I wasn't as valuable. I remember every time it came time to pay for lunch money my brother would always ask my mom and she would give him his lunch money with no problem. But if my daddy was running low on funds and he told me to ask my mother.. she'd start this big fight. And I remember I would run to my room and sit in the corner of my little closet and just bawl. It seemed like I was always either the reason for them fighting or in their argument. I know when I was like 5 I decided in my mind that when I turned 10 I was running away from home. LOL. I thought it would ease everyone out of their misery. I used to think maybe if I wasn't born everyone wouldn't be as angry as they were. I still to this day occasionally think that.



You see, my parents got married July 6th, 1991. A day that's really, really painful to me. It's exactly 16 days.. exactly 16.. before I was born. I mean, I've always known I wasn't a planned pregnancy but every time I think about their 'anniversary' I think about how much my birth.. my existence made them so miserable. It's different to find out your pregnant and decide you're gonna get married but to wait so long.. so close to the birth of your child.



Growing up.. eventually my brother ran away from home and ended up staying with my Grandfather (where he is now). And I was left an 'only' child with my parents. I remember my brother used to always threaten and tell me he was leaving. I used to say, "I don't care". You know, trying to be cool. But I remember distinctly one day he told me, "Okay you don't care if I leave but watched how much things will get worse after I'm gone." I'll never forget those words. Shortly after that 'promise' he left. And just as he said things got worse. Day after day..



My brother left when I was in like 6th grade.. his senior year of high school. Man, 6th grade really wasn't the year for me. That's the same year my grandmother died (on my mom's side). She'd been in a coma for at least a year.. she was basically a vegetable. I know that incident really hit my mother hard.. I didn't realize this until recently when we went to visit my great aunt in the nursing home and my mom had a breakdown. She remembered having to watch her mother dying in a nursing home for over a year. I've never really been close my mother but at that point I really saw her weak and I felt a little closer. But anyway my whole middle school experience wasn't the best. Then when I got to high school it got worse.



I can't exactly remember when it started but for the longest time my mother has always called me negative things.. like "cow" etc. And I always try to act as though it didn't hurt.. but it did. I always try to act confident now.. but I'm not. It's really just a mask to cover the many scars of insecurity I have. I'm in pain.

To be continued..

If U Were My BestFriend...

ALLLLLLRIIIGGGGGGHHHTY Then..

I've decided to do a blog continuing my letters. Only because this young fellow will always be in my heart. I love him even though I don't think he realizes how much. He's really the most special male in my life besides my father. Hopefully, he gets who he is.. He is pretty genius. LOL. (And since I use his nickname and there's a pic of his foot at the bottom HE'D BETTER GET IT! LOL)

Dear AppleJuice,

Okay I know we really haven't been 'close' for that long but honestly it feels like we've known each other for ages. I tell you everything.. YES, everything. You're probably thinking I'm lying right about now but I really do my life is just really uneventful. Anyway, you're like the coolest guy I've ever met. I would totally snatch you up if I wasn't so horrible at relationships -- you see how me and "Crazy BOY" turned out.. lol. Seriously though, you're really funny and you almost always brighten my day whenever we talk --whether online or on the phone-- unless you're being as emo as me, which is kinda a day brightener because it's funny when you're depressed.. you say odd things. Anyway I know you don't believe me when I say I love you but I do.. you kinda taught me it's okay to say those 3 little words. I had a hard time saying even the word love because of my insecurities and past pain but you kinda taught me to trust guys again. You showed me not all of them are evil.. and not all guys you befriend will use you to gain access to other females... etc. ANYWHO! You're about the only person I know who can say something and I'll just take it for whatever it is no questions about it. You could even lie and tell me the sky is purple.. and I'd believe you. Just because I know you'd never tell me anything that would end up hurting me.. and because I trust you. I know you may think I just tag you with the title of bestfriend but you really epitomize what a bestfriend should be to me. You're kind, genuine, sincere, sweet, nice, caring, compassionate, real, and plus you don't judge me. I really am blessed to have some one of your stature in my life. I know at any moment I could call you with some plain craziness about my family, people at school, or boys and you'd always have something positive, encouraging, or ensuring to say. There's probably like nothing I would change about you.. (well, maybe you're height so you could know what it feels like being short.. lol.) You make me SMILE (isn't that a slogan?). Even your laugh makes me smile.. shhhhoooot, even remembering a time you laughed makes me smile. Remember when we were watching Mr. Roberts [[correction: It's Mr. Rogers.. I'm horrible with names.]] on the phone and we figured out that him and that other guy Mr. I forget his name were so homo.. LOL. We make the best bestfriend team out there. We're top flight bestfriends of the world, Craig!!! LMAO! I friggin love you till death do us part bestfriend!!! I ♥U!!!

U Mean the World 2 ME

,

Jendayi N. Douglas

Stuck on Stupid

You know what I know I'm a little bit early in the blog game to be so negative but.. it has to be done. People are getting on my last nerve so what's about to be said is real. No apologies will be offered.. no remorse.

Why are people so concerned with the lives of others in today's society? Like seriously, if I haven't formally invited you into my life or my problems, why do you feel the need to be pro-active about the situation and give your two cents? It would seem as though with all the problems occurring in almost everyone elses' lives you wouldn't have the time nor the energy to invest your unnecessary and unneeded input. Is your life that worthless and trivial that you feel the need to upgrade mine? And if that's the case why would I even want your assistance since you're life is in the same predicament as mine.

And when did your opinion become more valuable or valid than mine? When did you assume just because you're 20 years older than me that you can still say something to me that I may not agree with and I'll just accept as if I'm 7 years old again? If you insist on critiquing my every action with 'words of wisdom' at the VERY least please offer words that aren't ridiculous. Say something that can't be debating. Because you should already know I'm going to have to say something to you about your ignorance.. and more than likely you'll end up hurt. So save your face and your pride and don't speak to me on my life unless I ask you. And since you're so old I know that you should know what a question sounds like.

And why do people feel the need to look at me and 'remember' my face when they know they've seen you before. Especially females. Now, yall know I already have a disliking for most of you but why add to it by looking at me like I'm foreign or something you've never seen before when I KNOW you've seen me.. we've met for Christ's sake. WHY? Don't you all know that it's extremely annoying and makes you look so stupid. ESPECIALLY WHEN I KNOW IT'S CONNECTED TO A GUY. I know he's mentioned me probably more than once. I know you're probably interested in him. I know you're upset because he doesn't have your name all up and through his vocabulary like the name Jai but seriously don't stare at me like the Mona Lisa. And I know yall are probably reading this like WOAH somebody's conceited but that's rude. I'm out somewhere and you're staring at me like I have a booger on my face.. not the business so cut it out.

Going along with what I just mentioned. I know it's not elementary anymore so I honestly don't know why females have their drawers all in a bunch over basic childish stuff. Like why would you get upset if a guy's obviously not interested in you but in someone else you happen to know. Is it that serious? If it is to you please quit making this apparent to others. It shows off your low confidence. Because if you had any ounce of self pride or dignity you'd get over it and move on. I mean, I'm not saying you can't be hurt a little but there's no need to dwell on it. The only exceptions I can find to this is if you and the guy used to talk, date, or currently do. Other than that I don't see why yall get so upset. Just because you think he's attractive doesn't give you the right to assume possession over him. Grow up ladies!

And can I get people to quit being so negative. I'm about tired of accomplishing or knowing something, sharing my experience with others and they just look at me like "Whatever". That's just plain rude. At the very least you could say "Good for you". Quit being KillJoys..

That's my little vent of frustration right now. If you're "lucky" enough to read this and my other blog entries please share with your friends and family. Introduce somebody to the world of the Jai Bird.

AND IF YOU HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH DESIGNING BANNER OR BACKGROUND PLEASE EMAIL ME AT msprincess006@yahoo.com. OR COMMENT ME ON HERE. THANKS!

If It Isn't Love?

I figured out exactly what my problem is with relationships. And I figure that I'm probably not the only person with this problem so as I self-diagnose myself I figure I'll take yall along on the ride.

Okay. So as a black kid growing up you're encouraged to watch black movies. Which primarily always have to do something with love. I've always told my friends I wanted that Love & Basketball/Brown Sugar type of love. Of course jokingly but however I saw these movies and admired so many things Omar Epps and Taye Diggs had to offer both of Sanaa Lathan's characters. I guess you could say I somewhat fell in love with the attributes fictional characters had to offer. However in the midst of yet another hopeless, failed, relationship disaster, I realized something. Maybe I can't find these attributes because they're about as fictional as the characters. Maybe I'm expecting too much of perfection. Maybe I need to stop outlining my dream man. Not every guy I date has to be marriage material. Maybe I need to live life to the fullest and have fun within my relationships.

YET, how easy is it? And why do we subject ourselves to these mythical allusions about love? How easy is it to love, and to be loved? How do we find it? And when we find it will it have conditionals and contract-like holds on it?

For those who have been in successful relationships.. those who have loved in the purest form and enjoyed it... can you share with us hopeless romantics? I normally don't get all lovey-dovey, ewwy-gooey but I just want to know. Before I walk into another disaster. I want 2008 to be an 'advancement' on Jai's dating scene.

Feel free to comment. Shout-outs to Jia-Tv.com who linked your girl, little old Jai. Lol. Check her out she's killing the blog and vlog game right now. Let her know who sent you! Anyway share what you think and get at me!

P.S. I love New Edition.. that's one of the reasons why I felt this blog should to be titled that. Lol. But for all of yall old-schoolers, yall can't tell me that Ralph (Tresvant, for all who don't know and are about to Google it) didn't look about as homosexual as Miss Jay from ANTM. Lol. What was with that whole putting your head in the bucket and slinging it back like he did in the video for "If It Isn't Love". That was really awkward looking.. I've always thought that. And I know the boy was skinny and all but did he really have to be the only one wearing tights and flats? REALLY? Let me leave Ralph alone. I still got love for New Edition. From their original members to the remakes! =0]

Moving on.. No Looking Back: I Have Learned

"I have learned

That people ain't gon' change unless they wanna

Can't make em over

It's hard to learn

That love's a fallen city you can't conquer

Can't take it over

[chorus]But my music will never break my heart

As long as I've got her then I'll never fall apart

Some may say I'm crazy for reacting this way

But I'm just glad I finally said what I wanna say

I have learned

That crying don't always solve all your problems

It just prolongs them

It's hard to learn

The only one to help you is yourself

Nobody else cares

[chorus]But my music will never break my heart

As long as I've got her then I'll never fall apart

Some may say I'm crazy for reacting this way

But I'm just glad I finally said what I wanna say...

To be continued..."

-Priscilla Renea

That is an unfinished song by this girl on youtube who calls herself Priscilla Renea. I think the lyric and melody are just beautiful and not just from the perspective of a pianist and vocalist myself.. but from just someone who is always in search of a song or a story that captures your train of thought or is always in the back of your mind as your own personal soundtrack to life. For the past year or so I've been experiencing some stormy weather, or a stormy season, rather. And like all seasons of storm.. at first you get a light drizzle. And it's not so bad, you kind of take blame for your hair getting wet because you're like "I should have listened to the newscaster this morning but oh well I'll just be better prepared the next day." And the next day comes and it's more than a light drizzle and you think "Oh gosh I thought I was going to pay attention to the news. But oh well." So for the most part you feel you've learned your lesson. So as the next rainy day rolls around you're prepared however it's not enough. Because unlike actual rain.. when it metaphorically rain and you wait to do something about it, you've dug yourself in a ditch. And you basically can't start fresh or make a new beginning. And because I don't feel like finishing my crappy metaphor I'm going to go off the assumption people will know what I'm talking about. So basically, I'm still in stormy season. But since I'm a Christian I know that I'm only being molded and prepared for something that God has in store for me. But since I'm a human I'm growing rather in impatient because I hate being uncomfortable. I hate being pushed beyond my comfort zones. And, honey, I'm far far beyond my pillow. Yet, I'm grateful because within a year's time I've learned and experienced SO much. I've learned about myself, faced reality about people in my life, matured.. still I think that God's trying to take me so much farther. I can't say what He has in store for me because I honestly don't know; however, whatever it is.. because of this state I'm currently in I know it's going to be HUGE. My father is a preacher and he has this sermon titled "A Lesson in the Storm". It's taken from Mark 6.. and his 3 points he pulls from that text is: 1. Storms are always Sent 2. Storms are always seen by God & 3. Storms are always ceased. I really believe that. Well anyway I said ALL that to say.. this year I'm advancing myself like the NAACP (tried to add humor.. guess it didn't work). I'm tired of feeling so stagnant.. so here are my 'resolutions'. Actually I don't want to call them that because resolutions are like promises they're made to be broken.. I call them my 'advancesolutions' (AND YES, THAT'S AN OFFICIAL HAND-MADE WORD)!

Jai's Advancesolutions:

1. TRY to find happiness in all situations..

2. Quit explaining myself or my actions to people.. if you can't or don't realize your petty little 'efforts' to destroy ALWAYS end up making me better then that's just your breath and strength wasted. I do what I want. My father always told me: If your actions can't be justified within your mind.. then there's no need for them. I live by that. You don't have to..

3. Quit treating relationships like baseball.. whether they be platonic or not you're not getting chance after chance after chance. 2008 is about progress.. and by giving you opportunity after opportunity after opportunity, I'm technically enabling you and I refuse to continue to do that. I don't care even if you're family. I'm not allowing you to hinder my growth and I'm not allowing myself to be the excuse for your behavior. I'm growing.. I think you should too.

4. Be the best Jai that Jai can be.. this is the year I improve my confidence, my appearance, my attitude.. just ME. But not into the molds you all want but into a picture perfect magazine image which appeals to me.. regardless if its only me.

5. Live everyday to the fullest.. take a shot at every opportunity possible. Never know what could come of it.

That's all for now!

What are you all's "advancesolutions"?

Introducing Ms. Jai Love

Hey everyone!

This is Jai Love.. and although I'm definitely not new to the blogging world, this is the first time I'm deciding to make my blogs, thoughts, opinions, etc. public.

I'm often told that 1 of my God-given gifts is writing and I do like to run my mouth so I thought "Why not let the world in on what I'm thinking?" So here we are.

I'm unleashing my somewhat radical opinions, my hopeless romantic thoughts, and my 'keen' mouth for telling things how I see them to yall.

And yes, I think you all should get prepared because you're in for an adventure! Lol.

Anyway. It's a new year and hopefully a New ME!

Anyway I'll more than likely be blogging a little later. Just wanted to post an introduction... Lata'!

P.S. The pic at the "get-go" of this blog is me... Jai Love. However, not that I have a problem with people who wear glasses, I DO NOT normally. There reading glasses. Mwauh!