Ok, so as it could probably be inferred: I'm in college. And during this past spring semester I happened to notice this really reserved cutie with glasses and dreads. I mentioned he was pretty cute (in an awkward kind of way) to my best friend Rayla and she took it upon herself to let him know. If I'm not mistaken she decided to do this at a party the night after we spotted this young cat, which was a no-no for me. One, because I'm really shy when it comes to relationships and random guys. And two, it would have ruined whatever game I thought I had with the dudes I had been basically playing with. So, alas, no introduction was given. No names exchanged. No nothing. And I left it alone at that. It wasn't really any sweat of my back. I was still getting in where I was fitting in.
Fast forward to mid-February.. I spotted this same gentleman on the second floor of the building my major courses were located. He looked a little lost so me being me asked, "Um, are you okay?" (I must've thought I was cute that day or I would've never spoken to him.) And he replied, "No, I'm ****" (No that was not necessarily an obscenity.. however, it was something you just don't disclose with anyone so we've edited this little secret for him and have challenged you all to use your lovely imaginations.) Anyway I chuckled and walked away not really paying him much attention. Later, some time shortly after our encounter on the stairwell, I see him in the game room of our student union building and I began speaking to both him and his homeboy. Random sh-t talking is all I really shared with them and I must admit it was pretty fun. Our conversations begin to extend from the student union to the cafe to pretty much where ever I saw them on campus. I remember one night in particular I was waiting to head to study educational training for an organization I'm apart of and we share some conversation revealing that we had a few similar interest. I jokingly (but half-seriously) made the comment, "Let me get away from you because you're cool people and I'm about out of slot for friendships, man." We laughed and I asked him about the kick-ass tattoo of a liberty bell on his arm. He shared with me that he got it when he was sixteen years old and it was special to him because it represented where he is from: Philadelphia. Now, I have already gained a wonderful big brother and mentor (as well as his family) from Philly so I'm thinking, "Hell yeah! The dudes from Philly got 'it'."
Anyway, we exchanged emails and full names right before Spring Break. We added each other and began chatting via FaceBook. I asked him if he was going to be returning to our school. He said yes. I told him (and at this point I was being one hundred perfect genuine) that was great because we needed more men like him at our school; people who seemingly have a good head on their shoulders and are courageous enough to dissent and fight for change. He agreed and we exchanged numbers. At that time I wasn’t really trying to get at him like that so I didn’t think anything of my actions. I kind of figured that he either thought I was trying to talk to him or he was attempting to get at me because the week of spring break while we were texting (side note: I didn’t get a real spring break because I was at debate nationals.. *insert really sad, pathetic crying face here*) he had mentioned that he went bowling. I said that I was jealous and he suggested that we should go bowling sometime. I didn’t think much of it then either, though, because I’m just a dweeb like that I guess.
So after that our conversations via text got longer and we began speaking more frequently. And somehow, someway we began “talking.” We began hanging out when we got a chance and etc. He admitted that he thought I was attractive and I told him he was cute (so child-like). And when I was finish with my educational training and initiation into my beloved organization (Omega Alpha Chi Music Honor Society). I figured we would finally get to chill. But, alas, I was terribly wrong. It seems like as soon as I got done being busy he began his busy season. And honestly, I was a bit disappointed and hurt due to the fact that all he was doing was going to go chill with his friends… but I couldn’t trip too much because just like my organization was a my chosen priority during my busy times, his friends were his chosen priority and I couldn’t be mad at that.
He asked me to be his girl a while back and I told him that he had to get voted in. Stupid? Yes, I know. But I really just wanted him to be able to talk to my big brother K, so that he could do his big brother questioning and find out if Dre was really feeling me. And then when I came back from an excursion to Houston with Ray, my big sister Que told me that she had heard that he had got his johnson swagged down by some random and that he used to date this mole-rat looking chick at our school. I was confused and obviously pissed by this information. And when I asked him he laughed and said no of it was true. We moved on (even though my sister Que insisted he was lying). All of that tugged with me for about a week. Ray and one of my LB wanted to come straight out and ask him for all the details but I told them to chill. I wasn’t quite sure if I believed him completely or not. But I honestly didn’t care anymore. He was decent people and I liked him. So it was at that point that I decided that he was worth the risk. And I never really thought more of that situation.
Now, it’s summer time and I’m as confused as a baby in store full of fake candy. He still has of these flirtatious tweets popping up on his timeline. But in my mind, we’re not officially titled or together so I can’t be majorly upset. I’m a flirt myself. And he’s still talking about how much he likes me and calling me his baby and all that. I just don’t know where we’re heading. I want to know our boundaries and if we’re working towards a relationship. I really care about Dre. But I love myself enough to want to live my life. So if we’re just going to be stuck in this “talking” phase, I’d at least like to know so that I’ll know how to assess my feelings for him and gauge where we’re at. I know he likes me—that’s not even a question (his brother confirmed this to me just today*). I would just like to know if he’s willing to sacrifice and enter a real relationship or are we just chilling. I’m just too damn ambitious to be lost like this. Give me some damn direction Dre!
*His brother posed a question concerning us: “Can two different people with two different lifestyles work something out?” That’s an excellent question and now it sucks because I have to delve into my thoughts and see if it’s actually possible.
WHAT DO Y’ALL THINK? LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS IF YOU HAVE ANY & IF YOU’VE BEEN IN A SIMILAR BOAT BEFORE TELL ME HOW YOU’VE DEALT…
XOXO
Love, Peace, & Great Ambitions,
Claire
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