"I have learned
That people ain't gon' change unless they wanna
Can't make em over
It's hard to learn
That love's a fallen city you can't conquer
Can't take it over
[chorus]But my music will never break my heart
As long as I've got her then I'll never fall apart
Some may say I'm crazy for reacting this way
But I'm just glad I finally said what I wanna say
I have learned
That crying don't always solve all your problems
It just prolongs them
It's hard to learn
The only one to help you is yourself
Nobody else cares
[chorus]But my music will never break my heart
As long as I've got her then I'll never fall apart
Some may say I'm crazy for reacting this way
But I'm just glad I finally said what I wanna say...
To be continued..."
-Priscilla Renea
That is an unfinished song by this girl on youtube who calls herself Priscilla Renea. I think the lyric and melody are just beautiful and not just from the perspective of a pianist and vocalist myself.. but from just someone who is always in search of a song or a story that captures your train of thought or is always in the back of your mind as your own personal soundtrack to life. For the past year or so I've been experiencing some stormy weather, or a stormy season, rather. And like all seasons of storm.. at first you get a light drizzle. And it's not so bad, you kind of take blame for your hair getting wet because you're like "I should have listened to the newscaster this morning but oh well I'll just be better prepared the next day." And the next day comes and it's more than a light drizzle and you think "Oh gosh I thought I was going to pay attention to the news. But oh well." So for the most part you feel you've learned your lesson. So as the next rainy day rolls around you're prepared however it's not enough. Because unlike actual rain.. when it metaphorically rain and you wait to do something about it, you've dug yourself in a ditch. And you basically can't start fresh or make a new beginning. And because I don't feel like finishing my crappy metaphor I'm going to go off the assumption people will know what I'm talking about. So basically, I'm still in stormy season. But since I'm a Christian I know that I'm only being molded and prepared for something that God has in store for me. But since I'm a human I'm growing rather in impatient because I hate being uncomfortable. I hate being pushed beyond my comfort zones. And, honey, I'm far far beyond my pillow. Yet, I'm grateful because within a year's time I've learned and experienced SO much. I've learned about myself, faced reality about people in my life, matured.. still I think that God's trying to take me so much farther. I can't say what He has in store for me because I honestly don't know; however, whatever it is.. because of this state I'm currently in I know it's going to be HUGE. My father is a preacher and he has this sermon titled "A Lesson in the Storm". It's taken from Mark 6.. and his 3 points he pulls from that text is: 1. Storms are always Sent 2. Storms are always seen by God & 3. Storms are always ceased. I really believe that. Well anyway I said ALL that to say.. this year I'm advancing myself like the NAACP (tried to add humor.. guess it didn't work). I'm tired of feeling so stagnant.. so here are my 'resolutions'. Actually I don't want to call them that because resolutions are like promises they're made to be broken.. I call them my 'advancesolutions' (AND YES, THAT'S AN OFFICIAL HAND-MADE WORD)!
Jai's Advancesolutions:
1. TRY to find happiness in all situations..
2. Quit explaining myself or my actions to people.. if you can't or don't realize your petty little 'efforts' to destroy ALWAYS end up making me better then that's just your breath and strength wasted. I do what I want. My father always told me: If your actions can't be justified within your mind.. then there's no need for them. I live by that. You don't have to..
3. Quit treating relationships like baseball.. whether they be platonic or not you're not getting chance after chance after chance. 2008 is about progress.. and by giving you opportunity after opportunity after opportunity, I'm technically enabling you and I refuse to continue to do that. I don't care even if you're family. I'm not allowing you to hinder my growth and I'm not allowing myself to be the excuse for your behavior. I'm growing.. I think you should too.
4. Be the best Jai that Jai can be.. this is the year I improve my confidence, my appearance, my attitude.. just ME. But not into the molds you all want but into a picture perfect magazine image which appeals to me.. regardless if its only me.
5. Live everyday to the fullest.. take a shot at every opportunity possible. Never know what could come of it.
That's all for now!
What are you all's "advancesolutions"?
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